Going Home
by Insane Authors
Summary: A day in the life of Niwa Daisuke. Actually, an afternoon of trying to get inside his home, to be exact. Emiko comes up with the strangest booby traps...


Going Home: A Day in the Life of Niwa Daisuke

A parody inspired by XiaMei and G Angel's joint fic writing… (specifically, while writing "Lover's Promise"…)

Genfic, but shounen-ai if you squint… and if you take Emiko and Dark's teasing seriously.

Disclaimer: You know that this story is called _fanfiction_, right? Right.

WARNING: Created (approximately 1am) in a bout of hazy-brained insomnia…

'_thoughts'_

_/'"Dark speaking to Dai"'/_

_/"Dai speaking to Dark"/_

Yay! Here's the first fanfic in mine and G Angel's joint account! And, as in usual XiaMei style, this is exactly 960 words. Hope you enjoy reading it! Even if it _is_ a pretty pointless fic… :P

* * *

Niwa Daisuke sighed. Classes were dismissed, and there had been no notice sent. In other words, it was 'training day', as he had come to dreadfully dub. Sighing, the redhead walked home desolately, dragging his feet all the way. 

It would have been perfectly fine, if it was just the usual obstacle courses he'd had to endure since early childhood, but ever since Dark appeared, they've been more challenging, sometimes even exhausting. It was really no wonder that the phantom thief sidestepped security so easily. Emiko's traps were far worse.

Once more, Daisuke sighed. He had reached home uncharacteristically slowly, being drowned in bleak thoughts as he was, but it was now time to face the inevitable.

The youngest Niwa opened the main door and entered.

Daisuke's brows furrowed in thought. Approximately seven steps in and still no traps. Usually, Emiko would have either nets or lasers in by now, and then, during rare occasions, the floor opening up beneath him.

Floor… opening beneath him. Daisuke realized his mothers plan a second too late. Too far from both door and walls to prevent his fall, the floor trembled as it started to open from the middle.

Daisuke kicked the splitting floor as hard and as quickly as he could, and managed to jump to the other edge just as the floor completely fell open.

Sweating nervously, the teen hauled himself up to the second part of the course.

Laser sensors. A lot of them. Daisuke sighed. Half of them were probably dummies, but Daisuke doubted there'd be a pattern like there used to be. It was, after all, his sixteenth birthday.

And so, steeling himself, the young thief focused on the colours of the lasers. Usually, the more transparent ones were fake. First to third on the left, sixth and thirteenth on the right, then the fourteenth on the left, and then everything on the right afterwards. After a few metres, he couldn't see clearly anymore. Daisuke took a deep breath, steeling himself as he muttered the numbers under his breath and hoped to all heavens that there weren't any more real ones the right after his clear sight ended.

Unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be. After running in a few metres, he managed to trip his first laser.

Daisuke twitched as he saw what it triggered—in place of where he had been, there was a gigantic stuffed bunny. Come to think of it, that bunny looked distinctly similar to his mother's favourite piece, a huge golden rabbit that was currently sitting in their basement. Idly, the Niwa wondered if they had forgotten to seal that rabbit, and that if it could possibly be the one inserting such insanely evil training ideas into his mother's head.

The redhead's musings came to an abrupt halt as a pile of stuffed animals assaulted him… and twitched, scandalized as he caught one that was propelling itself toward his face.

'_Eh! This… this is…'_

_/'"You're mom's good. It really looks a lot like creepy boy…"'/_

_/"Dark!"/_

_/'"What? It's true!"'/ _Daisuke could _feel_ the evil smirk his alter ego had on. _/'"Heh. It's not **my** fault you like him…"'/_

Daisuke coloured.

_/"D-DARK! That's not true!"/_

A maniacal laugh. _/'"Uh-huh. Sure, Dai-chan. Whatever suits your fancy."'/_

Daisuke would've disagreed more vehemently, but he had gotten side-tracked by the sweet promise of freedom the lack of lasers before him implied.

The teenager took a deep breath and leaned on the wall on his left for a short breather before pummeling onto part three.

Which was, most definitely, not one of his better ideas.

Daisuke paled considerably as a rumbling started from whence he came… and ran quickly at the sight of a giant ball of yarn zeroing in on him, pushing the myriad of Hiwatari Satoshi plushies along.

The dash toward the next corner was in no way clear. In the span of around two minutes, he had managed to encounter five piles of plushies (this time of Dark, then Daisuke, then With, and then Krad, and of course, the clincher… Daisuke with Satoshi).

Niwa Daisuke was inordinately relieved when he finally rounded the next corner and saw the 'Congratulations!' banner above… an 'Almost There!' one.

Daisuke twitched again as he noticed the two doors on opposite sides of him. Emiko had really gone all out. The Niwa wondered how much magic her mother used to configure the house this way.

If he chose the correct door, then… he'd be in the living room. But the wrong one… he didn't even want to think about what was inside the wrong one.

A hand reached out toward the door on the left hand side of the corridor, then hesitated. Daisuke read something once… something about a person instinctively choosing 'Left' instead of 'Right' in situations. So… if his mother knew… then he'd better choose the right. But if she didn't… then… she'd choose left to put the trap in, right? Because it's what she'd innately be doing… Besides, she wouldn't put a trap that didn't mean anything, right?

…The bunny. The plushies… The ball of yarn…

'…_whatever.'_

Daisuke sighed, somehow nervous and exasperated at the same time, and decided to choose the one on the right anyway.

He opened the door in trepidation, and almost melted in relief when confetti showered upon him.

Emiko squealed happily and engulfed the young man in a bone-crushing hug.

"GREAT WORK, DAI-CHAAAN♥! Because you did such a great job, mother will bring you out tomorrow to buy you any presents you want!"

Birthday presents? Right now, all that he could think of was for his mother wouldn't make another set of traps at _least_ within the month. If it were longer than a month, however… well, Daisuke surely wouldn't complain.

* * *

>When Daisuke goes "Eh! This… this is…", he wasn't addressing it to Dark. It was just a thought. Just clarifying, in case someone thinks it's a mistake… oh yeah, and for the non-shounen-ai people… Dark just said that Dai likes Sato, but he never said _that_ way… 

>>It's probably OOC for Emiko to make Krad plushies, but… hey, she really likes cute and pretty things, and Krad is both… :P She doesn't like the guy, but the aesthetic value's good. The "Daisuke with Satoshi" is open to interpretation. I'm thinking holding hands, but… if you don't like shounen-ai, then they aren't… if you like shounen-ai and want something more than holding hands, then they're hugging. (this is a K fic, after all… but I'll let you think whatever you want :sweatdrop:).

>>>If anyone says that Emiko hates Satoshi, so she would never condone a pile of plushies wherein Daisuke is Satoshi's companion, I was flipping through (G Angel's) Vol.9 of the manga and saw a scene wherein I interpret that the commander has won the thief's mother's heart. (Through flattery, no less… Even though it _is_ true that Emiko's food is good…)

>>>>It's Saturday, November 11. (In the end of Vol.3, Dark's bio says his birthday's on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, and Daisuke says that Dark just basically copied off of his bio, so… there. In any case, does anyone know where I can get the blood types and the birthdays of the other characters? I'm too lazy to squint through the manga for references…) I've gathered that there's no snow in Azumano… I mean, Dai's birthday is in November, and although everyone's wearing their 'winter' uniforms, it's still pretty bright… snow, even in winter, there is probably extremely rare, if it even _does_ happen at all.

XiaMei :)

Please review!


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